Sunday, December 11, 2011

Weird Holiday Gifts

I've been seeing some strange suggestions for gifts this year. Maybe Hander Pants, underpants for your hands is the strangest. I wasn't aware that my hands are private parts. Mine never seem to have unseemly discharges. So I can't understand why they'd need underpants.

Here are a couple from Baron Bob: a bacon ornament ( and an inflatable turkey ( The turkey is on sale, maybe because it's after Thanksgiving and going into Christmas people are thinking more of inflatable hams. The bacon ornament is still full price as of this writing.

A voice-activated R2D2 is selling for an astonishingly low price of $199.95 ( at Hammacher Schlemmer. Where else? These speakers from the same place ( are not only ugly, impractical, easy to break, but are also $60,000.00.  That's not a typo. There are no extra zeroes there. Oh yes, and they weigh 192 pounds.

You could spend over $10 on a piece of wood ( created for the purpose of knocking on wood. Are there people who live in completely plastic houses? Who have no wood anywhere? Or who are constantly hexing themselves and feel a need to always counter it by having a handy piece of wood, a piece of wood that comes in a carrying case? I suppose some people work in plastic places. Maybe. I use my head when I can't find anything else to knock on.

I guess our short story anthology will be looking like a pretty good holiday buy by now! For the low, low price of $9.95--$4.99 for the digital versions--you can immerse yourself in weird tales by a cross section of Austin writers. Well, three of them anyway.

There's a handy link at the side where you can click to get ALL THING DARK AND DASTARDLY. You might need something to clear the sweet taste of sugar plums and fudge from your palate. This'll do it!

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