Excuse me, garcon!

Ask that in a French café (note the e-acute accent at the end without which the word would be pronounced 'caff') and you're likely to get ignored, 'pahhed' (as only a French waiter can) or (possibly) a bunch of fives in the sneck (a punch in the nose to those unfamiliar with British slang).



Definitely NOT a garçon

Why am I bringing this up? What has a sniffy French waiter got to do with writing? We're rapidly becoming a multi-lingual society and this is naturally being reflected in the dialogue appearing in novels. Unfortunately the linguistic skills of most authors I've come across in the last few months hasn’t come close to fluency and the interchanges done in Spanish, French, German, Italian etc frequently include quite basic errors. The attitude seems to be that because the mistakes aren't in the English, they don't count – well, they do!

Going back to the title of this article, the grammatically correct French would have been “Excusez-moi, garçon” (note that the c-cedilla indicates an 's' type sound, turning the harsh 'garkon' into the softer 'garsson'). Having said this, you no longer call a waiter 'garçon' (which means 'boy'), you'd be more likely to hold your hand up and say “S'il vous plaît, monsieur” which means (non-sarcastically) “If it pleases you, sir” or “Un moment, monsieur” (One moment, sir).” You get the picture.

In Spanish, the tilde 'ñ' which adds a y-type sound to words like Señor, is often totally ignored. Likewise, German has its Eszett ß (an old form of double-s) and its umlauts that can appear over 'a', 'o' and 'u', changing the sound significantly (written ä, ö, and ü). Italian also has its accents which modify the way a word is pronounced. Not only that, each of these languages has its own colloquialisms and, while the free translation services offered by Google, Babel, Bing etc are improving by leaps and bounds, entrusting your work to a computer is not, and never has been, a good idea.

If you are going to have characters speak in a non-English language, you have 3 choices:

1. Have it all in English and just say that they're speaking in Spanish, French etc.
2. Start off in the other language and gradually phase in English with the emphasis on ‘gradual’ – that doesn’t mean within a sentence.
3. Use the other language in full and only revert to English when you’re providing a translation or where your characters are actually speaking in English.

The last option is heavily problematic in that it may mean big chunks of text are utterly confusing to readers even though you've given a translation alongside. Unless you really know both your market and what you’re doing, it's best to stick with 1 or 2.

Whichever you go for, don't do what I've seen recently. That's where a sentence starts off in one language and then (because the author didn't know how to translate it) gradually drifts into English. Our French waiter isn't going to say:

“Certainement, monsieur. Que désirez-vous? Par exemple, nous avons fish and chips, beefburgers and pizzas on the menu.”

He's either going to do the whole speech in French or (having established your non-Gallic background) in English. He isn't going to switch chevaux in mid-stream.

With the rise in the number of immigrant workers, the improvements to transport and communications, and the comparatively low price of travel, it's quite likely that your novel’s characters are going to encounter some such situation. If you want to get top marks for coping with the interchanges in a manner as befits a professional writer, here's my suggestion.

Let's get this straight.

Firstly, decide how you are going to deal with the language (option 1 or 2 above). If you choose the first option, you don't need to read any further.

Secondly, assuming you aren't going to 'cop out', write the exchanges in English but bookmark them so that you can find them again quickly.

Thirdly, create a single file of all the dialogues and run this through Google's translation device (or whatever program you prefer).

Fourthly, having got a translation, put its checking up for tender on one of the many 'find a freelancer' sites. You'll probably get the whole lot looked over for $25 or less.

Having done this, you know your book is now 'anatomically' correct and that you aren't offering yourself up as troll-bait. Not only that, your completeness will shine through and enhance the professional look of your work.

Right, now where's that waiter? I want a cup of tea.

Any Subject Books publishes a variety of quality books with new writers welcome to submit their scripts. They also provide the full range of book publishing services to the self-publisher or independent author such as editing, formatting, cover design, marketing, book tours, book trailers etc. Visit the website for more information and a full price list.

Bad language - le mot juste

No, sorry, I’m not discussing profanities today – I just want to concern myself with a discussion about the use (or misuse) of ‘foreign’ language in books. The driving force behind it is that I’ve encountered incorrect grammar, spelling, word usage and etiquette in a number of books that I’ve recently read.

I accept that I’m a bit more pernickety than most which may be because I’m a European, married to a former modern languages teacher (now also an author) or just plain fussy. If you’re going to sell books they need to be right – in every aspect.

Let me give you two examples (from different books). Both characters are supposed to be spouting fluent French:

"Vous perdu?" This is meaningless. It should be "Vous êtes perdues?" (are you lost?) and, before anyone argues, the 'e' is because the group being asked the question are all female.

"Viola". Viola is a stringed instrument - the author meant "Voilà" meaning 'there you are'.

But it’s not just dialogue that needs attention.

The English language contains a whole host of non-English words and expressions and, if we're going to use them, we need to do so correctly. The second example (above) can be dismissed as being plain sloppy but the first opens a whole can of worms.

For example, in German, French, Spanish and Italian, there are different ways of saying ‘you’. There’s ‘you’ informal (as you might say to a friend, lover, child, animal), 'you' formal (as you might use when talking to a superior, an official, a stranger, or over the phone) and ‘you’ plural.

I make this point because get it wrong and you will likely cause offence. Using an informal ‘you’ to an official will wind them up a treat as it suggests that they are inferior and insignificant or using the formal ‘you’ to a friend would call into question the depth of your friendship suggesting that they were a ‘distant contact’ rather than a mate.

We're used to English which is a good general purpose, easy-going language. We don't convey status (for example) in our use of the word ‘you’, we convey it in the surrounding language as in:

• "You must not do that again"
• "I'd respectfully ask that you desist from repeating this action"
• "Is it possible for you not to do that?"

Not only that, titles are very specific, too. For example, Madame, Mademoiselle, Frau, Fräulein (these must be in capitals) etc are all quite clear in their usage but offensive to the addressee if applied incorrectly.

This is just one aspect of the monumental mess you can land yourself in if you use a ‘foreign’ language and then make a fist of it.

The solution is actually quite simple - keep a list of all the phrases you want to use and the context (remember – the relative statuses of the individuals will probably be relevant). Put this up as a job for a native speaker on one of the commercial writing sites and you'll probably get the whole lot done for $25. It's money well-spent if it stops your book from having a whole load of badly-translated English.

I’m not being a prima donna about this. If you’re laissez-faire in the way you use another language in your magnus opus, you risk putting yourself in zugzwang (if you don't know it, look it up - it's one of my favorite words!). Now, maybe that's just a bit of schadenfreude on my behalf.

Clive West runs Any Subject Books which publishes a range of quality books from up-and-coming authors. They're always interested in new submissions which are welcomed via their writers wanted page. Clive's wife, Damaris, has written a number of books including an account of their life in Italy called A Postcard From Umbria.